What a louse-y day that was

Last Wednesday morning I sat up in my office, transcribing as usual. I like to get an early start since I've been working extra hours, so I usually get up at 5:30 or 6 to start working. My kids come up to say good morning to me and then they are up and down until it's time to head for the bus, for my older 2 at least. That day, my 7 year-old daughter, let's call her Zoe, because she saw in her baby book that that was a choice we thought about and she now wishes it was her name,came up to have me fix her hair in pig tails. Zoe's hair is coffee brown, rich and thick and a little longer than chin-length. Ever since she got it cut so short, it's shiny and absolutely gorgeous.

So she turned around and I began to part her hair to do her pigtails, and that's when I saw them. Eggs. They had to be eggs. Tiny white pouches attached to her hair, not at the root but along the shaft. There weren't a ton, but enough for me to know it wasn't right and wasn't just flaky scalp. i have an itchy head for whatever reason, especially if I don't wash my hair every day, so when she'd said the week before that her head itched, I dutifully checked it and yep, her scalp right on top was a little flaky, but nothing unusual. But this time I just knew. I told her to go downstairs and have her daddy check it out. My partner didn't think it was lice--he'd had it when he was younger, and he remembers, distinctly, sitting on the floor in his living room with his head on his mom's lap on top of a paper towel, while she used a nit comb to pick the lice and eggs out. It hurt like hell. his mom would show him the lice and then crush them with her fingernail, and it made a popping sound. So he tried to get the eggs out and pop them, and when they didn't pop, he assumed it wasn't lice.



So I showed my partner and told him I had looked up pictures, which I had, and those were definitely eggs. We called her in sick to school and my partner went and got some special shampoo. Yes, I put pesticides in my daughter's hair. And I thought about not doing that. My partner's parents didn't have money for the shampoo, so there was a lot of nit-picking and sore scalps.

Now, my partner goes to work at 12:30 nearly every day. I'd asked him to shampoo her and then when he left I could comb it out. Mysteriously, he ran out of time to shampoo her, so when he left I put her in the bath and put the shampoo on. it has to go on dry hair and sit for 10 minutes but no longer. As soon as I got it all in there, she said her head itched, so I found a toy and began to scratch her head with it so as not to touch the shampoo I'd just put on her poor little head. So, we shampooed and then I had her sit on the bathroom floor while I combed with the nit comb. And at first, I wasn't going to use the gel that came with it, because you had to wash that out too. But then, I saw a louse. I wiped the contents of the comb on my towel, and I said to Zoe, "Oh. there's one right there. Weird, huh?" I was not freaked out, as I thought I would be. I HATE bugs. Spiders are the worst, but all insects make me jump. A fly landed on my desk once in high school and I screamed. But I certainly didn't want Zoe to feel badly about the stupid lice, or to freak her out. So I kept combing and wiping. I couldn't really tell what I was getting, on account of the gel was all foamy. And then...


"Mom, that one's moving," Zoe said. I whipped my head, and yep, that little fucker was moving. I pressed on the louse with the comb thingie, and it didn't die. I kept crushing it. Soon, more were joining it, moving slowly in the goopy gel mess on my lap. And I even saw a couple on her FACE and her NECK. GAHHHHH! And you guys, her hair is so effing thick that it took about an hour and a half just to comb it out. And then we rinsed it again, and that was it. I had to get back to work--I'd already been delayed for several hours, and I knew I'd be working until bedtime. But first, I had to wash all of the kids' bedding and seal up their stuffed animals in plastic garbage bags. My three kids all sleep in 1 bed, for some reason, even though they have a bunk bed, and I was very nervous the other kids would get it. My youngest girl, at three, has hair down to her butt when it's wet. She has this fine hair, thick but fine and very tangly, and curly. Ringlets.

I think I got lucky. Next time we checked Zoe, she was clear. She still is, and the other kids haven't gotten it. I mentioned my itchy head earlier, right? Well, now every time I scratch I'm paranoid. But my partner says I'm clear. This appears to have been a comparatively mild case of head lice, and I'm soooo grateful for that. Because I simply do not have time for lice right now. I'm spoken for every minute of the day, and those damn lice have taken enough of my time. Good riddance, you little assholes.