Well, are we pro-choice or not?

This topic has been knocking around in my head for a bit now, and with Thursday’s news and the assholes it brought out of the internet woodwork, I had to say something.

Michelle Duggar suffered or is suffering a miscarriage. Duggar was pregnant with #20. I’ve never watched the show and I have not followed this family at all. I know they are very conservative Christians and that they don’t believe in birth control, that god plans their family size, that they are the Above Rubies and Quiverfull type of family. And that’s it. That’s all I know about them. And you must know I’m pro-choice, which is why it pisses me off to no end that self-proclaimed pro-choice feminists 1)Criticize her reproductive choices and 2)Are either out and out cruel or offer fake-ass, back-handed sympathy (“I feel bad for her, but every ejaculation does not need a name.”)

Some women have been arguing that maybe Michelle Duggar doesn’t really want these children, she only thinks she does because she’s brainwashed by her religion. I don’t know about that. And really, neither does anyone else, even someone who’s been in a very similar place. We don’t know if she’s under some kind of religious or spousal duress to keep having children. We don’t know if the older children’s lives will be ruined forever by having to help out with the younger children. We don’t know if they’re the happiest and most well-adjusted family on earth. WE DON’T KNOW. Whatever the Duggars have going on in their household is their business. Reproductive choice is reproductive choice, and she’s made hers. If she’s not really happy in her life, well damn, that’s pretty sad. But again, we just don’t know—we can only conjecture. And to say that she can’t possibly be happy in the life she’s living, well that feels about as condescending as when someone wants to outlaw abortion for women’s own good.

Now. If we call ourselves reproductive freedom fighters, if we believe that parenthood is a choice, if we trust women, we have to respect ALL reproductive choices. There is no picking and choosing. It’s not “I support reproductive rights, but she’s had enough kids.” No. Disagree with the woman all you want, but don’t say she doesn’t have the right to have twenty children. Don’t say she’s selfish for having children—I don’t give a shit if she’s on welfare or not. Even if she was, guess what? Still none of your business how many kids she has. It’s not a sign from God to stop having children (who are you to interpret the signs, anyway?) It’s time to pick a side, and please, pro-choicers, let’s all be on the same side. The side where we trust women, and the side where, for fuck’s sake, we don’t say “maybe she needs to be mentally envaluated, and then we they do the D & C, take her baby parts away because this is beyond enough” to a woman who has lost a loved and wanted child. You don’t get to be pro-choice with a BUT. The pro-choice crowd doesn’t want to see your but, so if you must have it, keep your but to yourself. Because if we see your but, we may start to think you’re not actually pro-choice after all.