Every Child a Wanted Child

Today is the 39^th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, and it’s Blog for Choice day.  I thought this was the appropriate time to share my second abortion story, because my second abortion didn’t involve complications or drawn-out denial or an abusive partner—it was a more typical experience, I think, and I think it’s just as important to share this story.   

After my first abortion, I didn’t go on birth control because I wasn’t seeing anyone and I didn’t see the point.  A couple of years later I started seeing someone, and became pregnant again (no condom.  Yes, stupid.)  I told the father and he told me he was supportive of whatever decision I made.  I didn’t hesitate.  It is still amazing to me that through the years, though I’ve been willing to sacrifice a lot of things for a man, and though I’ve avoided confrontation with others by being passive-aggressive, I’ve always, always been able to stand firm when it came to my reproductive choices.  It’s not even difficult for me. 

The father accompanied me and I went and got my abortion, by the same wonderful woman, Dr. Susan Wicklund.  And this time when the nurse asked me at my follow-up visit if I was interested in a birth control pill, I said yes. 

I don’t regret either of my abortions.  I couldn’t imagine being tied to either of those men in any way.  I grew up positive I didn’t want to have kids, which probably fueled my pro-choice slant from early on, and I only changed my mind when I met someone who somehow made me believe I could be a mother, who just took it for granted I could be a good mother, when I’d always seen myself as someone who’d be terrible at and who would also hate it.   

High Hawk and I are up to three now,
and every child a wanted child.

When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter, I was terrified to tell my now husband.  But I did tell him pretty quickly.   I blurted it out and then pressed my face into his shoulder hollow.  He was silent, but put his arms around me, and after a while he said slowly “OK.  We can do this…yeah.  We can have a baby.”  And just like that, I realized he was right.  I could be a mother, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.  It’s rather corny to say I met the right guy and he changed my mind about kids, and that’s not exactly true anyway.  It was more about the changes in me, but it did have a lot to do with him. 

 And now, I love being a mother, and yet, like I have a feeling a lot of parents do, I go to bed every night rehashing the ways I’ve failed as a parent that day—every harsh word and brush-off cramps my stomach, and I promise to do better the next day.  And sometimes, I do. 

Some politician from Florida, but a nice
summation of anti-choice rhetoric

Now, more generally, one of the main reasons I'm pro-choice is because I think women know themselves.  It is so condescending to make a blanket statement that you, an individual, knows what's best for women all over the world.   That 15 year-old over there?  Someone knows what's best for her.  That 40 year-old woman there?  A bunch of republicans over here in America know what's best for her mental health.  Gah!  Women are capable of making decisions for themselves, strangely enough.  They usually know their own mind.  We have to trust women to make their own decisions.  Why can't everyone be like this one friend of mine?  This friend is a Mormon and seems pretty dedicated to his faith.  He mentioned that he personally is anti-abortion.  BUT, he said, an important but, BUT he realizes that every situation is different and he's not willing to make a generalization that abortion should be illegalized, because, and I love this, he thinks women are capable of making the best decisions for themselves, no matter what he personally believes.

www.mattbors.com

Last year, anti-choice politicians kept busy all year with all sorts of bills to declare fertilized eggs as humans and make it as difficult as possible for a woman to obtain a medical procedure--a procedure which is legal.  Defunding Planned Parenthood, 24-hour waiting periods, unwanted transvaginal ultrasounds--it was a sickening year, with but there were victories, too.  Hopefully this year Congress will focus on getting this country off its knees and stop trying to put women down on theirs.