Lice suck. Blood.

It was a full year ago that I first dealt with the dreaded head lice.  I wrote about it, foolishly thinking after that one day, that initial shampoo and brush out, and follow up, that the problem was gone.  Oh, me.  The lice were not in fact gone, and everyone in our family got it.  I got used to the bugs, and they didn’t scare or creep me out as much as I had thought they would, but they lingered. Oh, lord, did they linger.  I used RID on two of my kids and myself to get rid of them.  I scraped my scalp daily for weeks after Jo found a shitload of bugs on my head.  With the long hours I was working then, and my partner working evenings, nearly all of the nit combing went to me.  The lice stuck around for a long time, though I washed their sheets, wrapped up their stuffed animals in bags and put them in the basement for weeks, and tried to keep up on the relentless combing. 

                We didn’t truly get rid of the lice until we moved from Spokane to Billings, MT.  My mother-in-law has a bad-ass nit comb like I’ve never seen.  My partner told me stories of how hard his mom used to comb their heads with it when they had lice.  She never used any RID or anything on their heads, just combed religiously.  After Mom-in-law got ahold of my kids, the lice were gone. 

Sorry, I know it's gross, but you need to know what they look like. 
My daughter's hair is not that thick, so they're easy to spot when
they're adults.  SICK.

                Until a couple of months ago, that is.  My sister-in-law and her 4 kids moved in with my in-laws, who live only a few blocks from us. My in-laws are raising an additional 2 kids, so my nieces and nephews are here often.  They spend the night, they hang out at the Y together, they nap together, they play together, they use each other’s brushes and wear each other’s clothes.  One morning my 4 year-old nephew came upstairs, groggily scratching his head.  Oh, no, I thought.  I checked his head, and sure enough, nits (eggs).  Since then the kids have been passing the damn lice around.  Since the first episode in Spokane, I knew I wouldn’t use pesticides on my kids’ heads again (ugh, how could I do that in the first place?!  Know better, do better).  Well, my son had a few nits and I had my partner buzz his head.  Gone.  But then, my littlest girl with her fine, curly hair got them.  I began looking into natural remedies.  My cousin had told me to wash their hair with vinegar.  Apparently it loosens the grip of the lice and the nits to the hair.  The louse will lay an egg on the individual hair, near the scalp, and sometimes the nit comb won't even get it off.  I ended up going through their hair meticulously, grabbing each nit with my thumb and index finger and sliding it all the way down off the hair.  Then I’d crush it.

                So if you are dealing with lice, here’s my advice:  DON’T use Rid, the shampoo OR the spray.  I tried this method, but it was implausible.  It sounded great, but in practice it sucked ass.  I put that much soap on my little girl’s head, and I couldn’t brush through it, let alone blow dry it.  Fuck that method.  Mayonnaise in the hair, followed by a shower cap and left on overnight, is supposed to be a good method. But I also read that lice can hold their breath for over 8 hours!  Gross.

                What you need to do is get your infested person in the tub.  Wash the hair however you want, then put in some conditioner.  I read that coconut smell is yucky to lice, but who knows.  I went and picked up some Suave, that cheap shit.  Slather the hair.  Comb it first with a brush or comb to get the tangles out, and have the kid lean up against the side of the tub.  Lay a white towel on your lap (so you can see the buggers), and get your comb out.  I also use a paper towel on top of the towel, to wipe the comb off.  You’ll want to crush the little fuckers when you find them, even the nits.  And that’s hard to do on the towel, so when I find one I grab the paper towel and put it on the hard edge of the tub and crush the louse with the handle end of the comb.  I divide my girl’s hair and put half up in a little clip while I work on the other half.  Comb through the hair, making sure you get the comb right down on the scalp, because that’s where they like to hang out.  The big egg-layers can be as long as your pinky nail.  When you’re done combing, rinse the hair and then blow dry it.  The lice apparently do not like the heat.  Also, don’t bother washing the crap out of all the bedding or freezing the stuffed animals.  Just toss them allin the dryer for 20 minutes on the highest heat.  The heat will help—lice can’t survive super hotness.    

                Just being vigilant is the best advice I can give you.  Learn about the lice life cycle.  If you get all of the big egg-layers out, the ones that hatch won’t lay eggs for 10 days.  And don’t worry—lice can’t jump from kid to kid.  They can’t even live very long if they are not on skin.  Don’t be a-scared, just be aware.